Confession.

Hi guys. Long time no see.
Lama ga nulis, and i think most of you are forgetting about this blog. It's ok.

Well perhaps this post may be my last post and if i can, i will delete this blog.

I just want to confess here.

I'm no longer can write nor read.
Back a few month ago (now is January 2019) I've got depressed, anxiety, and sad.
Last year, i could tell, is my worse year ever for 20 years in my life.

I felt so depressed, but i cant tell anybody else. I was too scared to speak up. When you ask me, i would said "im ok, im happy".
But the truth is a BIG NO!

I'm not okay, i won't.

It's hurt that i have no one to shared my feelings with. I always pretending that everything is fine, is just me tired of everything, i always pretending that everything will be fine if I'm doing this better in the next day. But the fact, it won't.

If you are close to me, or just know me, you will figured out that im a different person. You won't longer find the cheeris girl, you'll find a sad person who always fight for her happiness even she can't reach those. Ever.

It's slowly drowned me deeper. This suck feelings. I just want to stop but I don't know how.
What can i do if I'm alone? I have no one else left. It's make me sad.

Maybe you can see so much photos of mine smiling in my social media, but did u know that most of that are fakes? I'm good at pretending.

All i can do is just sitting and I'm totally alone. Even i make myself busier than ever but it's still sucks.
All i can is crying every night until i felt asleep cause im too tired to cry.
Even i cant eat well, I've lost weight so much this last year, it's just a body with a bones and skin.

Work, college, environment, love problems, this make me tired! I just want to stop!

I never or can shared this feeling to anyone. It's sucks.

I just want to feeling happy again, but i cant.

IM NOT OKAY!